I am not sure if people are familiar with the phrase "wearing your heart on your sleeve", but I was told this by my parents, coaches, and teammates when I was younger. When I was on the court, I was always told that I showed everything I was feeling on my face. From getting super hyped after a big play to getting out of the gym as fast as possible after a tough loss, I did not keep my emotions inside. But as I have gotten older, I was trained to keep my emotions suppressed, which relates fully back to the societal pressures that are put on women.
I have always hated losing more than anything. Even if I am playing a board game with my family, I am furious if I lose. The first time I ever cried after a loss in volleyball was when I was 8 years old. Obviously as I am looking back that was a waste of tears, but at the time it I was devastated. We lost a game and I immediately couldn't keep it together and lost control. As soon as I got in the car, my parents yelled at me for crying in front of my team. They explained that if I wanted to be a leader on my team than I was not allowed to lose control like that. From that day on I never cried in front of my team, even when I tore my labrum in my hip I did not shed a single tear in front of my teammates.
For women, crying is a sign of weakness and especially in athletics there is a much less room for error with females. I can see now that at the time, my parents were trying to protect me. They knew that as a woman in athletics I would be labeled as weak or emotional if I ever showed those emotions during or after an athletic event. Ultimately, after being labeled as weak or emotional you are taken less seriously as an athlete. But interestingly enough, when a man yells at the refs during the game, then he is considered "passionate". When men show emotions in athletes, they are applauded for their emotional dedication to the game. Because they are expected to wear their hearts on their sleeves.
An example of this sexist attitude was shown in the 2018 Grand Slam Championships. Serena Williams was playing against Naomi Osaka. Williams got in a dispute with the chair umpire,Carlos Ramos, which led to a verbal warning, an offense for racket abuse, and an offense for abuse of an official/umpire. Williams lost the match and the entire tennis community was shocked at how harsh the official was on Williams.
The great Billie Jean King tweeted "When a woman is emotional, she’s “hysterical” and she’s penalized for it. When a man does the same, he’s “outspoken” & and there are no repercussions. Thank you, @serenawilliams, for calling out this double standard. More voices are needed to do the same."
There were other male tennis players such as James Blake and Andy Roddick, who admitted to saying much worse things to officials and never being penalized.
There is this stigma around female athletes who show their emotions on the field/court. We are supposed to show just the right amount of happiness, sadness, and anger, or we are just being "emotional". I struggled with this throughout my entire athletic career and still do in my every day life. I fear that if I show too much emotion then I will not be taken seriously in the professional world.
This has always been a double standard in athletics and I hope one day men and women will be able to express how they are feeling without being stereotyped.