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  • MariahLEvans

Our Bodies Can Only Take So Much

Last week, I was talking to a friend who recently had major hip surgery. She is a sophomore in high school and is wanting to pursue a collegiate athletic career. Coincidentally, she had the same hip surgery that I had when I was a junior in high school. As I am telling her to "take your time to heal" and "don't push your body", I felt the hypocrisy in my words. I sat back thinking about how much I cheated my body by rushing my recovery process. Why did I do that? Was it the pressure to get back for my team? Was I worried about losing my skills so close to college? Or was I just being a naive teenager? In this blog, I want to go back in time and recognize the mistakes that I made while I was injured. Not only my mistakes, but why I pushed myself far beyond my limits. Hopefully, young athletes can read this and learn from my experiences. No matter how important your season may be to you, I have had to learn that I only have one body and I will never get another one.


My first labrum tear in my hip was in the summer of 2014. I was at the Junior Olympics with my club team. We were expected to make it to the gold bracket, which would be the top 5 teams in the country. My team had been working to make it to the gold bracket for years. This year was supposed to be our year. On the second day of the tournament, we were playing a powerhouse Texan team. The ball was hit to my left side and I went down into the splits. As soon as I dove, I felt a pop in my hip. Initially I thought that the pop was my hamstring. My decision was to push through the pain and finish the tournament. As soon as I returned home, my high school volleyball season started.


In volleyball, there is club season and high school season, but the only gap between the seasons is two weeks during the summer. Besides those two weeks, there is volleyball year around. I hate to admit it, but I am not genetically talented. I am not 6 feet tall and I can't jump out of the gym, so to compete at the highest level I knew I had to make up for it in pure drive. If there was any camp, practice, or workout that was offered then I was there. This was just how my life was and I loved it that way. When I was told to take time off of volleyball, I truly didn't know what to do with myself.


Going back to my injury, I started high school season, but was in constant pain. After visiting the doctor, I was told that my labrum was completely torn off my bone. This meant that I was going to need surgery, but I was in the middle of my high school season at this point. My high school team had won the state championship the year before and we were expected to win back-to-back. As the only setter on my team, I asked my doctor how much more damage could be done if I waited to get surgery till after my season. He told me that all the damage was already done, so I decided to get my surgery after the state championship.


We won state and I had my surgery. Unfortunately, I did a lot more damage on my hip than my doctor thought possible. Because I kept playing, the surgery was much worse than it would have been. I was told that recovery was going to be at a minimum 6 months. While, I started my PT, I already mentally told myself that I needed to come back faster than six months. My club team was starting their season and I was the only setter on that team as well. By sitting out for a full six months, I knew I would be letting my club team down. There were girls on my team who were fighting to earn a college scholarship. My main purpose as a setter was to make my hitters look good. I was involved in every play and my team needed me.


I could sit here and say that the pressure I felt to return to play early was all because of my club directors and my teammates, but I wouldn't be painting an accurate description. Yes, I felt external pressure to cut my recovery time, but there was a lot of internal battles that I was facing during that time. My fears of everyone passing me in talent was haunting. I constantly stayed up at night thinking that I would never be the same athlete. That the athlete who committed to the University of North Carolina just a year ago was not going to be the same athlete that came out of this surgery. Instead of recognizing that this injury was going to make me stronger or taking this as a much needed time of rest, I decided that my body did not need that much time.


Because of the internal and external fears of my injury, I pushed the pain aside and begged my doctor to let me return to play after only four months. I was two months short of the minimum recovery time. My doctor hesitantly let me return to play, but he did not like what I was doing. Within a two weeks of being cleared, I was competing at a national tournament, playing against some of the top teams in the country. On the third day of the tournament, I was warming up to play in the gold bracket, which would earn us a bid to the next Junior Olympics. During warmups I dove for a ball and felt the exact same popping sensation in my right hip.


I looked at my mom in the stands and she immediately recognized the look on my face. After finishing the tournament and earning a bid to nationals, I was back in my surgeons office hearing exactly what I feared the most. He told me that I had in fact tore the labrum in the my right hip. He said that my labrum was torn, because I was protecting my left hip. From the pain in my left hip, I tried to overcompensate and in return put too much pressure on my right hip. All the fears and frustrations rushed back.


After my second surgery, I did not make the same mistake as the first surgery. I took the time for my body to heal. I allowed myself to rest, gain some weight, and take pressure off of myself. These injuries were six years ago and as you could guess my left hip still hurts almost every night, while my right hip is completely recovered. I have wished over and over again that I could go back to tell my 16-year-old self to appreciate my body. As athletes, we sometimes forget that our bodies are a gift. Not many people can do what you can with your body. I know that what I am saying is not that hard to carry out, but for any competitor the worst thing that can happen is taking away their ability to perform.


Don't let anyone tell you what your body needs. Deep down you are the only person who knows what your body needs. Always remember that you are only given one body, so if you ruin that one body you are stuck with it forever.


If you are struggling with an injury or anything that I have talked about in this blog, please feel free to reach out to me. It is important through any recovery to have someone to talk to, even if I don't know you I most likely know what you are facing.

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