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  • MariahLEvans

My sport is what I did, but not who I am

Updated: Mar 1, 2020


Who are we REALLY in our 20s? Now that is is a tricky question for anyone to answer. In my opinion, we never really know who we are, because we are always evolving. But that is something that you will read in a philosophy book, which will make people in their 20s feel better about having no idea who were are or where we are going with our lives. Before I came to college, I thought I knew exactly who I was. I was an athlete and I was proud of that.


Trust me, I know that it is extremely stereotypical to say I was only an athlete, because I did have other passions and interests. But I always came back to being an athlete. When I was growing up, I was involved in multiple sports. Everyone in my family was an athlete and my parents were coaches. In high school, I participated in volunteer work, school, and had somewhat of a social life, but the majority of my time was spent perfecting my craft. Not only did I see my myself as an athlete, but that is also how everyone else identified me. At my high school, everyone stayed within their clique.


I thought I knew who I was, because I made the same mistake that most people make in their teens. I saw myself how everyone else saw me. People saw me as only an athlete so instead of correcting them I just went with it. I categorized myself in a group, so that I would easily conform to the societal boxes we put others in. I was "Mariah Evans the Volleyball Player" from the ages 10-18. That is up until I lost volleyball.


When I was still playing, I did not think I would have any problem transitioning after my athletic career. I have other hobbies that I would dive into and my identity would be untouched, but the problem was with how I saw myself. My realization of no longer identifying as an athlete did not hit me until all the questions came from everyone else. What is your next step? What do you want to do after college? All these questions came crashing down and I had absolutely no idea how to answer them. For so long, I took so much pride in my athletic accomplishments that I did not know how to describe myself in any other fashion. Especially since that was still such a big part of my life and my being.


It may sound dumb, but I didn't even know what to put in my instagram bio. Am I a retired athlete? Am I a fan? Am I a coach? This was the first time in my life that I did not feel like I had a clear cut space. I never realized how much of my identity was engulfed in my athletic career.


The big kicker about banking on athletics is no matter what sport you play there will be a time that you realize your prime is in the past. In other words, your body will be telling you that it is time to call it quits. The lucky ones get longer than others, but for most people it is pretty early in life. We all have that one relative that tells us the story about the time their team almost made it to the state championship or that guy who swears he would be in the league if he didn't have that career ending injury during his sophomore year of high school.


Either way the time comes that it is all over and athletes have to figure out who they are without their sport. Some people may not understand this feeling of loss and that is usually because they have not had the opportunity to feel this type of passion. It is like telling an artistic that they have to stop making art or taking music away from a musician. Most people find passions that they can continue throughout their whole life.


Now that I have been able to find myself away from athletics, I know how lucky I was to experience that type of love. I also can recognize that I will always be an athlete. Being an athlete has shaped me in more ways than I can count and no one can take away that away from me. I do not have categorize myself as a former athlete or a retired athlete, because I did everything I could for as long as I could.


My sport was what I did, but it is not who I am.

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