As young athletes, most people have at one point or another had a hard time talking to/understanding our coaches. This has been a topic that I have talked to a lot of athletes about, especially once I went to college. The growth between freshman to senior year is crazy and a big part of that growth has to do with an athletes relationship with their coach. Most student-athletes do not get the luxury of staying close to home. That means they have to completely start over when they go to college. Unlike most students, athletes have a built in family as soon as they step on campus. You have your teammates, your coaches, and all the teams support staff. This gives a sense of home, but at the same time we have to remember that college athletics is a serious business. The coach and supporting staffs livelihood rides on the success of their team. That is a lot of pressure to put on a 18 or 19 year-old, so there has to be a balance of family and business. Your coach is your boss, which is a different dynamic than most athletes have ever experienced.
Growing up, both of my parents were coaches, which I think helped me and hurt me at time. What I mean is as a child of two coaches, I was taught that whatever your coach says is basically law. You do not argue with your coach or give any backlash to what they say, even if you do not agree with what they are saying. As a high school athlete, I always had a close relationship with my coaches. The way that I learned is through explanation. If I was confused about something, I would just ask my coach the reasoning behind what we were doing. Once I understood than I was completely on board. But what about when an athlete gets to college? There is a dynamic shift that occurs. You are becoming a young adult. Your thoughts and ideas are also valid, but how do you respectfully come to your coach without seeming like your are questioning them.
Going into college, I never wanted my coaches to think that I was “difficult”. I wanted them to know that I fully bought into the program and our team goal, which means that I would do anything to get there. At the same time, I was used to learning through reasoning. That had never affected me, but as a freshman I was too scared to ask any questions.
I wanted to be easy and just do what I was told, but I started to get confused on what my coach wanted from me. When I was in high school, I could ask a question, because I was not afraid of losing my starting spot. But in college, I thought that my coaches could easily replace me at any moment. I was only a freshman, but I was playing every game. If I did something that my coaches did not like they would get upset (rightfully so), but in my mind I was just confused at what they were asking me to do.
I called my parents about 6 games into the season and just did not know what to do. In the past, there was always an easy dialogue between me and whoever my coach was for that year, but in college I felt like they were against me. This is how almost every college freshman feels. We feel like our coaches are conspiring against us and they “just do not understand”. But all they want to do is understand. College coaches want more than anything for their players to succeed and one of the main reasons that athletes do not do well in college is if they do not have an open and honest dialogue with their coaches.
The coaches have been there before. They have coached girls just like you and they just want to talk to you like a human being. After I talked to my parents, I went and had an open conversation with my coach in his office. By being away from the court, we were both able to see where the confusion was. They thought I was being stubborn and I thought they were not listening to me.
Now I am a senior and after being an undergraduate assistant coach for two years, I have seen both sides pretty clearly. I see freshman come in and make the same mistake that I made. They are afraid to go in and be honest with the coaches, because they don't want anything to affect their playing. I have also seen how the coaches want to have that relationship with their players, but it is hard for them to initiate that relationship. The biggest advice I have for any freshman going to play a collegiate sport is to go talk to your coaches away from the court or field. Ask them to get coffee or go get lunch, because if you ask them a question when they are yelling at you during a practice then they will not be as open to listening to you. Let them know what is going on in your life, because if you are going through something they want to know about it. Now I can't speak for every college coach in the country, but for the most part there are not coaches who don't like working with athletes. And for the most part, these coaches have been where we have been so they know a lot more than we think.
For more on this topic check out the following article: https://athleteassessments.com/coach-athlete-relationship-performance-factor/
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